But here’s the truth: most first messages are boring, generic, or just plain lazy. “Hey.” “What’s up?” “You’re cute.” These types of messages almost always get ignored.
If you want to stand out (and actually get a reply), you need to put in a little more effort—and a lot more personality. The good news? It’s easier than you think.
In this article, we’ll break down what to say in your first message on a dating app, why certain messages work better than others, and give you real examples you can copy, tweak, or draw inspiration from. Whether you’re using Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, or any other platform, these tips are universal.
Why Your First Message Matters So Much
In the world of online dating, first impressions are everything. That first message is your chance to:
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Show you’re not a bot or a creep
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Prove you’ve actually read their profile
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Make them curious about you
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Start a real conversation—not just small talk
Think of it like this: your message is the digital version of walking up to someone at a bar. You wouldn’t just walk over and say, “Hi.” (Okay, maybe you would—but would it work?)
Online, you have the chance to craft something thoughtful. Don’t waste it.
Rule #1: Personalize It
This is the golden rule. If you take nothing else from this article, remember this:
Personalized messages get more responses. Always.
Don’t just say something random. Take something from their profile—anything—and mention it.
✅ Good Example:
“Hey! I saw you love hiking in the mountains—what’s your favorite trail around here?”
❌ Bad Example:
“Hey.”“U hot.”“What’s up?”
Even the smallest detail (like a pet’s name, a travel photo, or a book title) can be the key to starting a meaningful conversation.
Rule #2: Ask a Fun, Easy Question
Don’t make your message feel like a job interview. Skip the “What do you do?” or “Where are you from?” opener. Instead, keep it light, playful, and curiosity-driven.
People respond more when they can answer without thinking too hard.
✅ Try Questions Like:
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“Two truths and a lie. Go.”
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“You’re stuck on a desert island with one album. What is it?”
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“Is pineapple on pizza a crime or a blessing?”
It’s fun, flirty, and easy to reply to.
Rule #3: Match Their Vibe
If their profile is goofy, be playful. If it’s serious and thoughtful, maybe keep the humor subtle. You don’t have to copy their tone exactly, but being too offbeat can be a turnoff.
Example:
Let’s say their bio says:
“Bookworm, dog mom, lover of bad reality TV and strong coffee.”
You could say:
“Okay, I need to know: What’s your worst guilty pleasure reality show? I’ll go first—Love Island.”
That matches their tone, shows you read their bio, and invites a fun answer.
Rule #4: Don’t Come On Too Strong
Yes, dating apps are about finding connection, but going overboard right away can feel… a bit much.
Avoid:
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Over-the-top compliments (“You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”)
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Intense declarations (“I feel like we’re soulmates.”)
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Anything sexual (unless you’re both clearly on that same page)
Instead, keep it chill and genuine. Flirty is fine—creepy is not.
Real First Message Examples That Work
Let’s dig into some real-world message templates you can adapt to your own style.
💬 If You Noticed a Pet in Their Photos:
“Okay, I have to ask—what’s your dog’s name and can I pet him?”
“Is that a golden retriever in your third pic? Because I think I’m already in love. With the dog, I mean. (Maybe you too.)”
💬 If They Mention Travel:
“I saw you’ve been to Italy. I’m planning a trip—any must-visit spots or food recommendations?”
“Serious question: best travel snack for long flights? I need to know what kind of person I’m dealing with.”
💬 If They Reference Music, Movies, or Shows:
“If we went on a road trip, what’s the one artist we’d both agree on for the playlist?”
“You love horror movies? I’m scared just watching the trailers. Are you one of those people who laughs during the scary parts?”
💬 If They’re Funny in Their Bio:
“You said you make the best tacos. Bold claim. Are we talking spicy salsa or mild and safe?”
“You’re into dad jokes? I’ve got a collection ready. Want one, or are you afraid you’ll fall for me?”
💬 For Something Super Simple But Engaging:
“You seem fun. Should we start with coffee or cocktails?”
“On a scale from 1 to awkward, how weird are you on first dates?”
These work because they feel human, light, and open-ended.
The “Compliment + Question” Formula
Here’s a super effective structure if you’re stuck:
Compliment + Comment + Question
Example:
“You have an amazing smile! And your hiking pics are incredible. What’s your favorite trail you’ve done?”
This formula works because it shows genuine interest without trying too hard.
Mistakes to Avoid in Your First Message
Let’s go over a few common first-message mistakes you should avoid at all costs:
❌ 1. One-word Messages
These say nothing and get ignored. You wouldn’t start a conversation in real life by just saying, “Hi.” Don’t do it here.
❌ 2. Copy-Paste Spam
Sending the same message to 10 people might save time, but it won’t get you far. People can tell—and nobody wants to feel like just another name on your list.
❌ 3. Over-Complimenting
A simple compliment is great. But too much too soon screams desperation. You’re trying to connect, not worship.
❌ 4. Acting Bored or Disinterested
If you don’t seem excited to talk to them, they won’t feel excited to reply.
How Soon Should You Message After Matching?
Right away. Seriously—don’t wait.
Sending a message within the first few hours of matching increases your chances of getting a reply. Wait too long, and the moment passes. People move on. Interest fades.
And if they don’t message back right away? Don’t panic. People are busy. If they don’t reply at all, it’s not personal—just move on.
What to Do After They Reply
Now that you’ve got a response, don’t let the convo die. Keep it going with:
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Follow-up questions
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Shared stories
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Light teasing or humor
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Relatable experiences
The goal is to create a natural back-and-forth. Once the chat flows, it’s way easier to suggest a phone call or a meetup (when the timing’s right).
Should You Mention Meeting Up in the First Message?
In most cases, no—especially if you’ve just matched. It can feel too fast or even pushy.
Focus on building a little rapport first. Once the conversation feels natural, then you can bring up the idea of meeting in person. Trust builds quickly when done right.
Conclusion
Your first message on a dating app doesn’t have to be perfect—but it does need to be thoughtful. Avoid the boring, generic stuff and aim for something real, personal, and fun.
The key is to show you’ve taken 30 seconds to read their profile, noticed a detail, and are genuinely interested in connecting—not just collecting matches.
Use the examples in this guide as inspiration. Mix and match. Make them your own. And most importantly—just be yourself. Your vibe will attract the right person when your message feels honest and human.
Now go send that message. Don’t overthink it. You’ve got this.
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